Without you
by Yuuichi4
Summary: There is a storm coming and Lavi pays someone his last visit


I actually was planning to write something Tyki x Allen but then this little thing got in between.

Enjoy~

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The wind was cold and was blowing harder than normally; it looked like it could start raining any second right now. It was not that strange as the weather forecast had predicted a storm in the afternoon. 'When you entered my world, it had never been so beautiful.' It was kind of ironic if you would think about it more thoroughly. There where only a few people walking around on the streets, mostly people would not stay inside. He guessed that most of them where hurrying home or moving to a place with family or friends. One of them didn't care about either of those things as he made his own way through the streets. His hands where tucked deep inside his pockets hiding them away from the cold wind. His face was hiding in his comfy warm orange scarf.

A few of his friends, if he was allowed to call them that after everything had happened had tried to stop him from going outside in the heavy weather. But he could not keep himself to his own word, he needed to go now because if he would not do it now he might never get to chance.

'An endless start, one you normally only read about in books.' Yeah right books… he frowned and picked up his walking pace. It was a nice thing something so unreal yet it had happened. The wind was getting more violent by the minutes that slipped by unnoticed. Yes I am a person that liked to read books, like to gain knowledge about everything that was unfamiliar. But there was no book that was helping me right now none of them contained the answer I had been looking for so badly. It was not like I had not hoped that they would tell the proper reasoning for why everything was happening or more like had happened.. "Deep down I knew that this wouldn't last forever." The words where softly whispered to the wind and got blown away immediately.

'I would just repeat the whole thing.' I stopped my track I had reached the place that I wanted to go so badly in this kind of weather. Actually it wasn't a place I liked to visit that much since it only brought sadness to people, including me. The green eye looked at the big gate; it seemed the place was locked down. It wasn't so strange with the upcoming weather report. Who would even think about going here in a time like this? A pair of hands where removed from the pockets they where tugged into and placed against the iron frame of the door. The door felt cold under my fingers but I didn't mind it reminded me I was still alive. Slowly I pushed against the door as it slowly opened.

The hands where removed from the door and my green eye looked carefully at the area that was surrounding me. There where a few flowers blooming just outside of the gate. I couldn't come visit you empty handed now could I? I bend down picked up one of the white flowers. With the flower in my left hand I walked inside and closed the door behind me. No one had seen him go in and even if the rare change of someone walking by they would not notice anyone had entered by the closed door.

I slowly started walking deeper into the yard I passed the different stone statues and. Each stone had different shape and even if they had the same shape the names that carved into them where never the same. All the stone he passed no one had familiar name across of them that was until he came across a stone he knew all to well and knelt down in front of it. "It has been a while hasn't it?" It wasn't the first time he had visit the place and neither did it was the second or the third. I already lost count in how many time I have been here just sitting here silently as I thought back.

I placed the flower near the stone and kept staring at it. It seemed I wasn't the only one who had recently visited the place. There was a flower bouquet that seemed rather fresh and there was a candle that still was burning, it probably wouldn't last long as big gray clouds where filling up the sky by now. It seems I am not the only one who didn't forget about you yet. But what is a few months in a peoples life?

After a long silence just filled with my own thoughts and the blowing wind through the trees I lowered my head in respect. I opened my mouth and started talking on a quiet tone as I had carefully thought about how I was going to tell you this "With heaven being the goal, I shot past the stars and the moon. Only relying on my instinct, but it seemed the gates appeared never opened for me. That is when I knew that I would fall, because I had flown so high." The silence continued after I stopped talking and slowly started laughing a little as I was rewarded by more silence. You liked this looked the best didn't you? It wasn't that I expected your voice to talking back to me because stones would never talk right? "You probably would have scolded me for talking in riddles again. But I guess you can figure this one out. It's been the reason why I have been away for a while." He paused for a few seconds. I still remember the tone of your voice so vividly. "I know it was stupid of me and I promise you it won't happen again. I learned from it more than anything I have learned from books. People are really complicated beings."

The smile slowly faded from my face as I could feel the familiar pain that had been haunting me. It was if everything was starting over again. It just had been to long ago and I couldn't cry about it anymore. No the new me has already moved on and living the life you wanted me to lead. I know my old self would have shed the tears I that I can't right now. After all it already happened, I am trying to forget. But still the 'what if only'… hangs heavy on his mind even if I knew what was coming from the start. 'I would just repeat the whole thing.'

I raised my raised and gently rested my fingers against the stone. I slowly let them slid e down the stone as the moved over the name that was carved inside. The name that would never roll over my lips as if it was the most natural thing to do. I moved my hand back and slowly changed it shape into a fist as I squeezed my finger tight. I slowly stood up and looked down at the scene in front of me. The flower seemed to be waving in the wind and I looked around for something heavy. I didn't see anything and picked up the candle and placed it on top reducing the chance of the storm blowing the simple flower I put down away.

I silently watched as the wind continued to blow passed me. 'You are gone and my heart belongs to myself again.' I know I should have never given it to you. I didn't want to, I always listened. I wouldn't let myself but surely but slowly I slipped away and knew I couldn't go back. Even if I am like this now and I am trying to forget. 'It misses you, yes it misses you.' Gramps had always been right. Even though he had known from the start he let me… He is always so keen on these things it surprises me each time he knows before I do. Did he also know what only the both of us knew? And what I came to know? He is not much of a talker but neither am I when it comes to things like this.

'The silence here is deafening around me.' This never again, it hurts more than anything I have known in my whole life, nothing can be compared to what I went trough. 'It is carrying me back to what was in the past.' The memories.. 'And I would just like that...' I slowly turned around trying to gather my courage as my feet carried me away from the place. This was going to be my visit. I had decided the other me was making it easier for me as my old self felt troubled as it made my mind wandered, back to those times.

'It had been over all of a sudden it was over and the memories still stupefied me.' I was right there and there was nothing I could, I watched you go and all I could do was scream as I slowly watched you slip away from my fingers. I couldn't help as two sides where pulling on me right now and I turned around and took another one last glance. "It was the most beautiful time for me, even though it wasn't meant to be." My voice was muffled by the wind but I was sure of you where still you would have heard my voice. I quickly turned around again back on my way out. Somewhere it had started raining already and I only noticed it now when it was already pouring from the sky. 'I really would not have wanted to miss it, though the price I need to pay now is heavy.' It was worth it all. 'I would just repeat the whole thing.' He pulled his scarf tighter around his neck as the wind was playing with the piece of fabric.

Before I knew it I was facing the big iron doors again that I had came trough. The only thing I could think about was thinking to get out of this place as fast as I could. My hands met the cold metal of the door, it felt colder than it had been before or maybe it was my imagination or it was just the rain. The big door was slowly opened again and I slipped passed them outside and quickly closed them leaning against hem for a few seconds. The streets looked even more abandoned when I looked around.

The rain started pouring down faster and faster. It was clear that my jacket didn't like the water as I could feel the fabric of my clothing stick to my skin as it got more and more soaked by the seconds that passed. I am here and you where not even close. 'I'd rather be ignorant again, exile all that no-sleeping, no-eating.' I let go of the doors and slowly started walking in the direction I had came from, each step was difficult but this is what I needed to do. 'No, rather the pain than my love with you.' The rain had gotten a good hand on my hair too, it slowly was starting to hang next to my head I could feel it stick to my skin as it was getting to heavy for the wind to blow them around. 'Forgetting those moments, I don't want to know…' I started walking faster and faster until I was running and let my legs carry me back.

I ran faster than I had ever done before as I headed back to the place I somewhat could call home. Even though I changed and am no longer the person that I was before. I know that the people who where worried or be looking for me right now where still the same people I knew from before. Still deep down I knew all to well that my old self was still laying closely connected to the person I became of the past couple of months. No the name Lavi didn't fit me no longer.

As I finally returned and entered the hallway I already could see their worried faces. Some of them turned to a smile as they where happy to see I had come back alive. 'You entered my world; it had never been so beautiful.' I gave them one of my bright smiles and let them know I was doing just fine by holding his thumb up. As my mind was somewhere else. I could feel my heart beat fast as my breathing was heavy. It must have been because I had run back as fast as I could.

'You are gone and my heart belongs to myself again.' I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't find the words I wanted to speak. My voice was stuck in my throat and I quickly closed it again. 'But it misses you, yes it misses you' some of them started talking to me but the only thing that got through me where their mouths moving. I scratched behind my head and smiled and nodded as if he was listening to what they where trying to tell me. 'The silence here is deafening around me, but bring me back to then.' Even if I seem fine to them on the outside I knew that on the inside everything was one big mess. 'I would lose myself again, in that very first kiss.'

Yes I would re-do it, just like that

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So that was it!

I hope it was not that depressing, and I hope I wrote it like you could fit anyone in there that you like to pair Lavi up with.

At least that was my intention, but we all know who I had in my head writing this.

please leave a review!


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